I will admit I was having one of those mornings.
You know: one of those toxic, gloom and doom, the-world-is-against-me kind of mornings. Added to the toxicity, everything was my fault. Or at least, I thought I was the reason for my woe and misery. Thinking crazy things like my Multiple Sclerosis is my punishment for my unhealthy lifestyle choices—my obesity, college party years, lack of exercise.
Yes, I caused my MS. I am never going to get any better.
Then my spiral continued. Dan would be better off without my burden. He’s wasting his good health and good years being my caregiver. He must move on. Stop letting me hold him back.
Ugh!
Honestly, do you ever feel like that? Have those moments? Deal with all kinds of gray-clouds-hanging-over-your-head days? Please tell me I am not alone? This is common, right?
And then BOOM!
Dan turns his phone to me to read the headline that Christina Applegate disclosed that she has been diagnosed with MS.
“Oh no, not Kelly Bundy from Married… with Children! Not Jen from Dead to Me!” I mean, seriously! Dan and I were just gearing up to binge the Netflix dark comedy’s third season, whenever it finally comes out. Now this?!?
Not her! Poor thing. But she will be alright. After all, there are many medicines and treatments, diets and so much more knowledge about MS than there was 23 years ago back when I was diagnosed. I mean, there never is a good time to hear those words, “You have MS,” but comparatively, now is better than then.
Plus, it’s not like Christina Applegate did anything to deserve getting diagnosed with this frustrating, frightening illness. She appears to be a good person.
Hmmm… The irony hit me: I give a complete stranger that sort of grace, but I will not give it to myself? Geez Jennifer, stop being so silly about your diagnosis. None of us deserve MS.
Yes, Christina is strong and probably will be fine, eventually. It’s not an easy disease to initially accept and live with. But give it time and soon she’ll realize that she is in good company with the nearly 1 million Americans who also are living with MS.
Christina Applegate will survive this diagnosis. Her days will continue, and you know what? So will mine. Even with an occasional doom-filled one. Life with a chronic illness is tough. That’s the truth. The reality is, we all get down days. But we try not to let that darkness and toxicity define us. Instead, we choose to keep going. Optimistically. Knowing we’ve got this.