I had wracked my brain for months trying to think of the perfect present for Dan Digmann’s 50th birthday.
Just what exactly was the right gift to mark a milestone birthday for the love of my life?
Well, of course! If you know Dan, it’s always a safe bet that his present should center on Bruce Springsteen. I am thrilled to say that Dan and I have tickets to see Bruce in concert. Yay!!
In March of 2023. Ugh!
That’s not until five months after Dan’s September birthday. I may be greedy, but I want something for right now. Something immediate. Something memorable.
Well, Jennifer. Be careful what you wish for.
It turns out that I gave Dan the ultimate illness for his big milestone 50th birthday.
I tested positive for the novel coronavirus on Tuesday, September 20, and by Friday, September 23 – the day before Dan turned 50 – he also tested Covid positive.
Happy birthday, Honey.
Covid is more than ‘a bad cold’
Eek and oh no! What are we going to do now? We both cannot have Covid.
Perhaps you think I’m being dramatic. After all, “It’s just like a bad cold,” is something that was repeated to me several times after my diagnosis, but Dan and I are living with Multiple Sclerosis.
A “bad cold” throws our already compromised immune systems into such an unpleasant state. Every little symptom we manage to live with on a daily basis is magnified and intensified. This rapid worsening is extremely frightening.
I tested Covid positive earlier this year, so I sort of knew what to expect. Fortunately, I was on my way toward recovering from my most recent bout when Dan started his spiral into a viral abyss.
Dan assured me and our families that he was doing fairly fine so long as he wasn’t running a fever. And he did perfectly until his temp started to quickly climb out of his standard 97-degree range and into the mid to upper 99 degrees and on several occasions topped out at around 101.
Every time he would run a fever his legs would get wobbly and weak. I remember realizing one particularly challenging morning as we rested in bed and Dan struggled to get up that, duh, instead of holding onto walls and tables to unsteadily walk to the bathroom, he could just use my wheelchair to safely move around the house.
Scary moments today. Fearful uncertainties for tomorrow.
It was odd to see my strong, healthy husband relying on a wheelchair. Perhaps it was uncomfortable, too. I wondered if this was a glimpse into our MS future? I quickly pushed that doomsday thought out of my mind… but still it was there.
Illness brings out my worst fears. It forces me to confront the reality of life with a chronic illness. Worse yet, when Dan is sick, I am forced to face his what ifs.
Dan dealing with Covid was very scary.
Never mind the fact that if he can’t stand on his own, I can do nothing to help him or myself. He is my caregiver, and I need him to help me make it through my days.
But Dan, who is always there to comfort me even when he feels at his worst, reassured me, “Just let this fever break, and I’ll be back to my normal self. I’ll help you then.”
He always followed through.
And with four days of Covid behind him, Dan returned to working remotely on Tuesday and stayed fever free the remainder of the week.
We’ll never stop learning
Call it a wake-up call, but we experienced just how vulnerable we are in living with MS. Granted, it was Covid that pushed the envelope, but like beer and hard liquor, Covid and MS don’t mix well. Together, they lead to very very bad results.
So what can we do about it? This is a great question we are struggling to answer. Sure, we’ve had to deal with things like this throughout our 17 years of marriage. But something flipped a switch – I imagine it was Dan turning 50 – that made us take notice that we aren’t going to be young forever.
MS is unpredictable so yes, we can do all that we can to try and plan for the unknowns. But there are no guarantees.
Maybe it’s that we’ve experienced some new normals. Or, maybe it’s that we’re getting older.
Or, maybe it’s that we’ve realized that people never stop learning life lessons.
Even when you think you have things under control, you have to stay vigilant when you’re living with MS. The only thing certain about this disease is its levels of uncertainties.