Visual artist and MS self-help group leader
Welcome to “7 Questions with A Couple,” a monthly series that includes quick conversations with a variety of experts and influencers from throughout the MS community. We are beyond thrilled to introduce Hannah Garrison as our first guest for 2022. Hannah is an incredibly talented visual artist who has inspired people nationwide and turned them into artists in their own rights through her virtual online art project sessions and demonstrations. In addition to hosting such events for organizations including the Multiple Sclerosis Association of America, AnCan and the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation, she leads an in-person self-help group for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and co-moderates an online virtual support group for AnCan.
1. You earned your Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from the University of Texas at San Antonio in 2014. How has art helped you personally in coping with your 2017 MS diagnosis?
Well, the answer to this question is never short! It might take a little bit of a backstory to understand. Here we goooooo …
I remember many a day after diagnosis just sitting alone in my studio, doing absolutely nothing except recovering from the short walk to get to it in the first place. Where I was living at the time, my studio was situated further back on a plot of land that didn’t have a direct paved sidewalk to get to. I needed to walk a bit every time I wanted to be there. So, as a heat-sensitive person with MS living in the heat of a Texas sun, you might be able to imagine how problematic it was to traverse the area. I loved my studio, and I wished that I could just use it the way it was intended.
Inside, I was surrounded by so many art supplies and tools. It was my home. Yet, here I was, feeling lazy and sick and useless because I couldn’t actually bring myself to make anything. I would mentally put myself down, but for what? It wasn’t my fault that this disease was kicking my butt at the time. I was feeling guilty for many things — one of which was being useless and unable to be a productive member of society.
Then one day I was tired of lamenting and feeling hopeless. The weight was becoming too much. Really, I’m very quickly summarizing a very heavy feeling.
But then, alone in my studio, in the middle of the afternoon on a cloudy day, I suddenly said to myself “SCREW THIS. I reached for a watercolor pencil and some paper. The paper looked intimidating. It was 9 inches wide and 12 inches too much, so I cut the paper into 3in x 3in squares. It took a lot of effort just to think about that process and even to use the scissors to cut it out. The MS cog fog drove me absolutely crazy. But I managed it.
Then I made some scribbles.
And this feeling of scribbling and not making any sense of anything – that was what I was longing for. I was scribbling away and not really trying to make anything in particular. My focus was entirely on my thoughts, and my hands, and the feel of the tools I was using. That was a new thing for me.
Just scribbles, and nothing to work from? It was like a switch had flipped. I grabbed a brush – the closest brush I could reach – and put water to the paper. I watched all my scribbles melt together (watercolor pencils are made to blend together), and one thought after another started flooding through my mind. As I watched the colors melt together, I was focused on only two things: the way the colors blended as the brush moved across the paper and the gentle roller coaster of thoughts that churned in my head.
That moment was like meditation. I had never meditated before. This cascade of thoughts – is this meditation? I could suddenly feel the watercolor pencil underneath my fingertips. Because of MS, my fingertips were now numb. Yet, I was totally in tune with the watercolor pencils.
After several days (or weeks?) of making these simple drawings, I realized that not every piece of art needs to be something. It can just be. The brushstrokes or marks don’t need to look like anything in particular. They just need to be. And just like those pieces of paper that I scribbled on, my thoughts can just be. No judgement, just sitting with it. I would often think of the song “Let It Be” by The Beatles. “There will be an answer / let it be…” would be humming through my brain as I worked.
Eventually, these thoughts translated to my MS problems. Let it be. Just roll with the punches. Don’t try to turn the art into anything unless it comes out naturally. My art didn’t need to be anything but therapy for me. By accepting my art scribbles for what they were, I could learn to accept who I was. This new Hannah felt so simple, just like these simple pieces of art. Learning to be a normal human being again was going to take time – that’s what I told myself. I had faith in my neurons and neuropathways – that they would grow some new connections in time. If I could learn to be patient with my artwork, I can learn to be patient with my new, broken body.
From now on I was a new Hannah. It wasn’t a Hannah that I ever thought I would be. But I’m here, and like these scribbles and tiny, simple drawings, I’m still a lovely person.
2. Has MS changed who you are an artist? Why or why not?
Absolutely 100% yes. To give a bit of a background, I used to strive for a more realistic look in my works. From elementary grade school and onwards, I was always the kid who was hyper-focused on making art and trying to get my lines and shading just right. It was like that for much of college, too. However, towards the end of my BFA studies at my university, I did manage to break out into a more abstracted way of painting. The concept of breaking free of the constraints of reality and the known world was so foreign. I dabbled in creating artworks that tried to be more surreal in high school, and that continued well into my 20’s. Abstraction as an art genre, or concept, is completely different, though. Much of what I created lacked a certain something. I still don’t know what that “certain something” is.
Looking back, I focused a lot on perfection and turning every mark and brushstroke into something. Now, I don’t ever feel that anything needs to be anything. When I’m trying to heal, it can just be what it is. The brushstroke or crayon mark can just exist within its own space and just be what it wants to be. Notice how I also mentioned crayon marks just now. I’ve become much more playful and not-so-serious with my mark-making. This has allowed me to better relate to those with MS who are not quite so familiar with art. I like to use accessible, easy-to-use materials. It’s been a lot of fun reinventing childhood arts activities that I can then teach to other adults.
I can translate this new attitude into the sphere of my own MS diagnosis. Prior to this diagnosis, I was too concerned with being somebody within the art world. Straight out of college, I wanted art to be my business. Many things in life would interfere with the art-making process, however. Not many people know this, but I stopped making art for a couple of years in my mid-twenties. After wrestling with my disease and the grieving process that came with the diagnosis, I have a much more non-chalant attitude towards life. There’s that saying – it’s not about the destination, it’s the journey. That’s 100% my philosophy now.
3. When did you first start considering the possibility of virtually leading online painting events for members of the MS community?
I work for a non-profit organization, Hearts Need Art, that works with patients facing life-altering illnesses in a hospital setting. However, before the pandemic started in 2020, we worked exclusively with cancer patients. This organization was my gateway into the emerging field of arts-in-healthcare. Ever since I found out that there’s a helping role for artists like myself, it had become a dream of mine to serve people with MS.
Fast forward to the start of the pandemic. HNA needed to evolve in order to continue serving patients with chronic illnesses. That’s when the possibility of working with MS people really opened up. I was able to reach out to a few friends who have MS and were interested in art lessons. I wanted to see where these virtual lessons would take me.
As luck would have it, my opportunity to work with the MS community really snowballed. Within the MS community, I now am fortunate enough to work with the Multiple Sclerosis Association of America, AnCan and the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation. I think lots of people are yearning for anything that will help make their days just a little bit easier. I believe the arts can help with that.
4. What do you say to encourage people who think painting is intimidating because they aren’t “artistic,” and what do you hope people take away from the painting events you lead?
For thousands of years, art has been part of the human experience, in some form or another. Art comes in all shapes and forms. It doesn’t need to be good enough for an art market. Sometimes we don’t like the art that we create, but someone else may adore it. I feel that the brush strokes, or marks, that you make on a piece of paper are just like your signature – unique to you, and only you can do it that way. Love yourself, love your signature, even if the artwork itself isn’t what you expected. Just keep doing it. Even if you don’t have the time to practice a new skill, being playful and carefree with your actions is just as rewarding. Who cares what people think? Be in this space for you.
Let’s be honest – I don’t normally get to say this much in a quick interaction! But I always manage to say something similar these statements.
5. The Multiple Sclerosis Association of America is recognizing you as its Mission Honoree at its 2nd virtual Improving Lives Benefit on May 12. What does such a recognition mean to you?
I’m still in awe! I still can’t believe it! Out of the many, many, amazing MS advocates out there, they chose me. I couldn’t be more humbled and thrilled to be part of their benefit. I think that the arts and its role in the healthcare setting is gaining traction. The MSAA seems to recognize the benefits of art for people who have this debilitating disease. I’m grateful to be part of their mission to highlight the arts and artists in the MS community.
6. What is your favorite color to use when you’re painting, and who are the artists that inspire you the most?
I tend to gravitate towards blues and purples in much of my work. I can’t just choose one, though! My favorites are usually colors that are a little bit more complicated to mix and recreate with paint. I’m aware of how pretentious that sounds, but I love the challenge that comes with it.
My favorite artist has always been Vincent Van Gogh. The movement of his brush strokes has always captivated my attention. There’s so much to look at just within one painting. Whenever I am at a gallery, I can’t help but dissect each painting I come across in order to figure out the artist’s process. There’s so much to think about and consider with Van Gogh’s works.
7. Many people turn to art as a way to relax in their free time. What is your go-to for relaxing and decompressing?
I loooove listening to music when I need to recenter my thoughts. I also really love cooking and simultaneously listening to podcasts or stories on YouTube. There’s something about adding a storytelling element to a task that can sometimes be considered to be a mundane task, like everyday cooking. I love listening to scary stories, true crime stories, or Audiobooks. My true love, however, is hiking. I really only get to enjoy it when the weather and temperature are tolerable. My MS heat-sensitive symptoms can be a lot to handle, but I will still try to go out whenever I can. I take multiple short walks every day, and it does help me to start off my day and to recenter.