It must have been the living room lights that made my ring sparkle so radiantly. I was mesmerized by the beauty. All the beauty captured in my wedding ring.
Ironic. Beauty forged from an ugly disease.
Dan and I give proper and deserved credit to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, since it was at an NMSS event back in September 2002 where we met. And as Dan often says, “We’ve been living a fairytale ever since.”
Yes, that is true. We are very happy and very much in love. I’m thankful to report we celebrate our 16-year anniversary on September 10, 2021. We are hopeful for many more happy years to come. But that pesky Multiple Sclerosis we each live with isn’t going anywhere. In fact, it constantly is progressing, as is the nature of this chronic illness; however, we move forward.
Slowly.
Funny how this disease that inflicts so much destruction and causes you to move much more slowly, moves so very fast. Another irony? Alas, I digress.
Dan and I keep going. But for how much longer? Was this marriage and being my full-time caregiver anything Dan could have imagined all those years ago? Did he see himself working full time with his “day job” at RNL and then being responsible for me during the evening? All night. Every night. For 16 years. Plus, he is living with relapsing-remitting MS.
What will happen if he gets worse? How will I take care of him? What were we thinking? Better yet, what was he thinking? And is he thinking right now, “What am I doing?”
I hate thinking these thoughts, but they creep in. Especially now. Life everywhere is so tenuous. Society feels stretched so thin.
Pandemic. Masks. Anger. Sadness. Frustration. Unrest everywhere. Feels like there is so much going on and almost nothing I can do. I have too much time to think. It all feels overwhelming.
I’m sure I am not alone with these worries and concerns. In fact, Dan and my friend and fellow MS activist Jenna Green recently shared a post on Facebook addressing this very topic.
The post she shared asked, “How can I be ok when the world is terrible?” It dealt with mental health and people’s reaction when bad things happen.
Life can be overwhelming, and when it is starts to overcome my thoughts, I have to focus my mind on what I can control. Life and MS is messy. Hard to handle. That messiness is why order and control mean so much to me.
As I have learned over the past 23 years since my diagnosis, I may not have control over my MS progression but I absolutely control how I respond to what it throws at me. That sense of control and agency in my life means a lot.
Jenna’s FB post shared some good advice and provided some good perspective, and thankfully it was a good reminder to focus on what I can control.
My worries still can overwhelm me, and I owe it to Dan and me to realistically evaluate the future. But I also will take my beautiful quiet moments to breathe and enjoy the sparkly beauty that surrounds me.
Happy Anniversary, Dan 💖
Happy belated anniversary you two lovebirds!
I sometimes struggle thinking about what the future holds so I try not to let my mind go there. But those same thoughts also fuel my drive to do what I can to prevent what is in my negative thinking.
As they say, you can’t change the past or predit the future. So all you have is the present. Live the day best you can. Wear it out! Improve yourself in some way.
Great post. I admire you & Dan. You make me better!